10 Things

Maybe its the gray mist that hangs low in the sky (or just that my windows make it look like its foggy), but I feel so inspired today. I used to be the type of person who would grumble at any sign of bad weather (anything below 50 degrees or above 78), but I feel like the past few years has given me a new set of eyes. Now when I look outside I see how wonderful fog really is, how it clings to the treetops I am filled with wonder and joy.

Lately our pastor has been teaching about renewing your mind, and a major part of transforming your mind away from an old way of thinking is by meditating on the good things. Our pastor challenged the congregation to write down everyday 10 things we are thankful for. I love this idea because it helps me to be more positive and if I stick with it, it will ultimately change the way I perceive things. So, today in an effort to be disciplined I’m sharing these 10 things I’m thankful for (the first being fog). 

10 Things I’m Thankful For

1. Beautiful fog to inspire me (see above)

2. Being able to choose what I eat for breakfast. (Some people don’t even get breakfast)

3. Having enough gas in the car to get to the places I want and need to go.

4. Good people everywhere who choose to be the change in others lives

5. The bounty of this earth (It’s amazing what this earth produces)

6. A playful puppy who greets me at the door every day like I’ve been gone FOREVER. She gives me instant joy.

7. A spirit of learning. I love to learn and I love that I am blessed with a hunger for knowledge.

8. The hard-working spirit my husband has as he goes throughout grad school so he can provide for us in the future.

9. The sturdy walls of this house that shelter me while I sleep

10. People who love us for who we are.

 

There you have it- my 10 things for today. It feels kind of silly sharing them with the general public, but I truly am thankful for even the smallest things I have because I know where they all come from.

The next step is that throughout the day I will meditate on the things I’m thankful for. And not meditate like, sitting on the floor, legs crossed and clearing my mind of everything, but more like turning these thankful thoughts over and over in my mind like a smooth stone in my hand, so even if and when things go askew I will have only one thing on my mind: Him.

What are you thankful for today? Let me know in the comments below.

Blessed

I believe that God blesses us in many ways. As our Provider, He blesses us with everything we own from the shoes on our feet to the cars we drive. He blesses us eternally and spiritually, and in ways we cannot even imagine. But I also believe that God blesses us with time.

Time is a valuable thing, probably more valuable than money. We are only allotted a certain number of days on this earth and time is the vehicle in which we live out our days. Some people work hard to “get rich” but if all anyone ever did was work, they may be rich in money but have no time to enjoy the rest of their lives.

I may not be blessed with a job at this moment and that’s ok, because I’ve realized that I’ve been blessed with something way more precious. Time. Mountains of time, and yet, just enough time. Time to work through things, time to grow and learn and time to give to my family and church. And while I do look forward to getting back the daily grind, I also love the fact that I can pick up my bible and read for 3 or 4 hours, or that I can write to my hearts delight, or serve others and gain so much more understanding about my future and my purpose.

I believe in tithing of all the increase God gives me (10% of my income), but on unemployment that’s not a lot. Then I started wondering if tithe and offerings went above and beyond monetary giving. Couldn’t the expectation for some mean giving time or other resources too? So I decided to give what God has made me rich in and that was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. Giving my time to the church has blessed me one-hundred fold. I learn so much there, I have new relationships now and a support system, and serving the higher cause gives my heart so much joy.

Someday when I reach Heaven I know God will ask me what I did with my time. Was I a good steward of the time I was given? I hope my heart and my actions will prove that I did my best with the time I was blessed with.

Forgiveness: more than just a few words

If there’s one thing I know, its that everyone is imperfect. It’s a beautiful thought, no one (even those people whose flaws you can’t see) is completely and utterly human- motivated by their own inhibitions, seeing life from behind the two eyes they were given. So when it comes to forgiveness, I will always do my best to forgive.

You see, forgiveness is more than just a few words. Its a heart and  mind attitude, its a lifestyle. Even those most close to you will let you down or hurt you (on purpose or by accident), no matter how high the pedestal you put them on is. The only one who will never let you down is God.

I’ve lived stuck in a cycle of forgiveness for years. I will say I forgive someone, but the pain they caused still remains in my heart, not even against them, but like a scar I can’t seem to heal. I used to believe that that pain meant that somehow I hadn’t truly forgiven that person. It wasn’t until a few days ago that I realized that my thoughts on forgiveness were askew. I had forgiven (in this instance) with both my head (because I knew I should) and my heart. Sure, I had felt betrayed, lost and hurt by this person’s actions, but I knew I had it in me to forgive them whether or not I saw them again. The situation, my job loss, keeps tearing at my heart and each time I would pray to God to help me forgive and move on. Today I realized that I really had forgiven, but just hadn’t gotten over the wound.

Sometimes I find it awful hard to forgive a person, and other times I find its harder to forget the situation.  Do you have instances in your life like that?  Praying to God to forgive someone with your heart means that you have forgiven even if it still hurts. The next step then is to trust in Him to heal you from that wound and make you stronger in the place where you were hurt.

 

 

The Self Esteem Test

Cleaning out the house and with it old memories this week has been literally a blast from the past. I rediscovered so much, I let go of some and grew too. Its amazing, the amount of stuff people keep and why they keep it. I have this habit of keeping papers. Papers with my writing scratched in the corner, tests, snippets of articles. I love collecting paper. They hold memories attached- I can remember the exact time I wrote on that napkin, or read a profound poem and noted what I liked on the now-yellowed margins.

So it was easy to remember this piece. My name scribed with my signature of the month “jenna” in cursive, no caps. It was a test. Not for school, but one I took in youth group. I was a junior in high school and had just made the transition from living with my aunt and uncle who were my guardians to living with my stepdad and his wife, my stepmom.

No title, just an explanation:

This self esteem test is extremely quick and simple, just answer TRUE or FALSE to each qustion (if you cannot answer 100% TRUE then answer FALSE):

  1. Other people are not better off or more fortunate than me- True (?)
  2. I accept myself as I am and am happy with myself- False
  3. I enjoy socializing- True
  4. I deserve love and respect- True (?)
  5. I feel valued and needed- False
  6. I don’t need others to tell me I have done a good job- False
  7. Being myself is important- False
  8. I make friends easily- True (?)
  9. I can accept criticism without feeling put down- False
  10. I admit my mistakes openly- False
  11. I never hide my true feelings- False
  12. I always speak up for myself and put my views across- False
  13. I am a happy, carefree person- False
  14. I don’t worry what others think of my views- False
  15. I don’t need others’ approval to feel good- False
  16. I don’t feel guilty about doing or saying what I want- True

Add up how many times you answered “True”
Total- 5

The just of this quiz was to open our eyes to the level of self esteem we may or may not have. 5 was what I got, others scored 12-15 usually- that was the norm. I remember how I felt when I tallied my quiz- ashamed, defeated, not as good as the others.

What is amazing is that 4 or 5 years before if I would have taken the test I could have honestly answered #4 as False. I truly felt as a pre-teen nursing my father on his deathbed that I was unworthy of love because I was convinced I was a horrible person. #16 would have also been False, I couldn’t even voice what I wanted or needed back then.

Instead of feeling accomplishment from getting over a few lies, I was still convinced that somehow, I was made inferior to everyone else- I may never of had that exact thought, but the way I viewed myself was such.

It’s amazing- the lies we tell ourselves and let ourselves believe. “You’re ugly” “You’ll never be as good” “You can’t do that”, you fill in the blank. I was trapped in those for so long, and still often have to correct myself when I revert back to that old mindset.

I wish I could tell myself back then what God says about us, “You’re beautiful because I made you in my image” “You deserve love and respect, and I love you”, “You should be yourself.  I made you uniquely for the purpose I gave you” “You can do this, because I made you to do it and because my Word says you can do it”.

Some days I just look in the mirror and want to cry out, fed up with the “situation” or the way I think of myself. Then I remember how blessed I am and what I’m here for. I may not score a perfect 16 today, but I do know what God says about me, and instead of choosing to believe lies, today I choose to believe truth.

 

True Life: I’m a Sims addict

While most people have a “home team” they root for or a “thing” they love to do, I occasionally go through spouts endless hours and weekends of playing the Sims computer game. If you don’t know what it is, its a game where you create and control simulated characters lives. I LOVE this game. It goes back to 7th grade when I received my first computer and my first generation sims game and expansion packs. To date I have all the expansion packs from generations one, two and three (take that back, the one that came out today I do not have). I used to be the one who’d line up the day it came out and rush home to load it onto the computer and play all afternoon with the new functionality the expansion pack provided. (Nerding out).

I went into one of those phases last week and created a story (much like all the others I’ve had) in which every one is happy, gets a job with the click of a command, learns skills by reading books and never sleeps (because of the time-honored cheats I know). They all have perfect little families, perfect lives, and I can even make sure no one dies. I’m not the type of sims player that kills people off, no, that would make me feel wracked with guilt for days. I plan their lives with loving care and make sure that their houses look just so. I even go so far as to excitedly tell my husband exactly what’s going on in their lives. Sigh!

Eventually I fall out of obsessiveness with the sims. That happened a few nights ago. Reality started to come back. Jobs don’t come with the click of a command and I can’t read a book to gain a skill as easily as they can. I can’t make life perfect or control what happens to the people around me. Usually its not this depressing when I fall off the wagon and back into reality, I just go about life like normal again. When I think of how easy my sims have it I wonder, wouldn’t it be nice if we could be like that? I know it seems silly, but don’t we all grab hold of some fantasy sometimes just to cope?

I love my sims, but just like me getting bored with the stories I’ve created, I realize how boring life would be if everything was always happy and perfect. What about the mess? What about the stuff that builds character? I think that kind of life experience makes us who we are.

I’m rationing my sims-playing time now. I may treat myself to an hour or two but I don’t want to get too stuck into fantasy land anymore, I’d rather go out and refine my own skills, race after my own goals and cherish the everyday gifts around me.

Hearing His Voice

Be still, and know that I am God
                                   -Psalm 46:10

 

The sink drips into a pool of water down the hall, my stomach is saying its time for round 2 of coffee, the fans of the computer whir  in the background, my phone dings- there’s another email waiting for me to check, and my dog proudly trots through the hall showing off her new rope.

Have you ever noticed how much noise is around us? Even working from home, there’s lots of noise. We hear things whether they register in our conscious mind or not. Lately I’ve tried to be more aware of my surroundings. Its led me to a stunning realization of how much we choose to hear and let into our lives. How many voices are we listening to? What are we hearing?

You’ve been there too. A friend gives you advice, your “intuition” leads you to do something you normally wouldn’t that ends up being a blessing, you may even hear thoughts in your head often that don’t sound anything like you. Everywhere around you there are distractions, alerts from your phone/email, the evening news is blaring in the other room, your body is telling you its time for dinner, your intellect tells you its opinion on how you feel about a topic, and your spirit underneath all of that is talking too.

I’ve been on a mission lately- to seek God’s voice and purpose for my life, and like a dog with a bone, I’m not letting go. For years I’ve wondered if God speaks to people then why can’t I hear His Holy Spirit talking to me?  That was answered through a variety of mentors, Sunday services and life observations just recently- It’s because I let so much else go on around me and put emphasis on those other voices that I am not able to decipher His voice above the others.

There are a lot of different types of voices:

  • Your body’s voice- tells you when you’re tired, hungry, hurting, etc.
  • Your soul’s voice- mind/intellect/emotions “this is how I feel about this” ”this is what I know”
  • The voices of others- your friends, parents, the news, society
  • The voice of tradition- “this is how we have always done it”, “this is how I was taught”, “this is what we do”
  • Voice of the enemy- voices in your head that don’t align with who God says you are “You will never be successful” “You’re ugly”, etc. They’re all lies and half truths (which are lies)
  • Gods voice- via the Holy Spirit that is instilled in you when you believe in God. It’s a pure voice and will never lead you astray.

I believe if God wants you to hear something, He’ll let you know in one way or another. The primary way (the way I think He likes best) is when we actively choose to seek and listen to Him, the other ways can be much harder life lessons to get us to start listening. I’ve been led lately to ask the question, “Am I listening to God?”. I’m not sure I always am. Think about it- you go to church and praise and hear a message, you pray to Him and talk to Him, but those are all communications going to God. When in our lives do we simply give Him a chance to talk? That’s a hard one for me, I’m a talker.

I’ve started seeking His voice lately. It’s not easy to tune out the world when I’m trained to be so plugged in. But I have a desperate thirst to hear and know His voice and place it above the others, where it belongs. So after I pray and worship, I sit and wait listening for the voice inside. Sometimes its hard to decipher what I’m hearing, I wonder if its my mind making it up or if its a clear direction that I’m supposed to listen to. But I don’t get discouraged because I know that everyone who believes in Him has the ability to hear, it just takes some practice sometimes. I don’t have any tried-and-true methods, steps or advice on how to do this other than to immerse yourself in what God says in His Word and to eliminate voices and distractions in your life which don’t align with the Word.

When a decision comes up, when I decide to head in a certain direction, or when a trusted person offers advice, I’m now prompted to seek God’s voice in the matter. He is after all the One who made you, the One who knows all about you and all about everything. Why would I ignore the single voice that knows my future?  I challenge you to do the same. I know He won’t let you down, and because He knows whats best for you He’ll never lead you astray if you choose to listen. Think of what could happen if we actively handed over the reigns and sought His counsel!

Thoughts, observations, advice, stories about seeking His voice? I’d love to hear them!

It’s the little things: week one

In practice of being thankful for the blessings and things that bring me joy throughout the week, I’ve decided to do a semi-weekly post about those things.

One thing that made me smile: when my dog gets so excited to see me that she howls, even though I’ve only been gone for an hour or so (and I’m home all the time during the week).

Nature thing: the promise of a soon-coming spring and a mild winter

Tech thing: the ability to access so much information at my finger tips that I never get bored

Family thing: hearing about my little nephew who is now saying mama and army crawling across the floor back in Nebraska. Next step: saying “Jenna”, “aunt” will suffice too.

Life thing: That feeling after you worked your tail off in a workout (the soreness and the satisfaction), its only 7 am, so you have the rest of the day to relish in your success.

 Blessings: having the opportunity to serve on wonderful projects at my church in my free time (which is a lot of the time).  AND knowing that my thoughtful and kind husband supports me, no matter what.

You will not steal my joy

Ok, I know that the title of this post sounds a little…threatening, but don’t worry its not directed at you. The period of life I’m in right now is an interesting one to say the least, I like to call it a “good writing material” season. That being said, through all of these trials, I’m realizing a few things. I have a bubbly spirit, I know the plans He has for me (or a part of them) and I’m not letting them go. With that comes great joy and happiness, I feel like I contain a beam of sunshine in my soul that most days, wants to break out of my body and shine.

I found  a great definition of joy today that I’d love to share:

Joy: the unwavering trust that God knows what He’s doing and has blessed me with the opportunity to be a part of it… not despite what’s happening in my life but because of it. When everything earthly feels heavy He gives me an internal lightness that can’t be touched. (source)

Isn’t that the truth?  I know that there are areas of my life where I could experience more joy, and I’m trying to work on those, but the joy I have right now feels so good, I just want everyone to have some!  I wish I could box up a little piece of my joy and give it to you. I feel like joy is like yeast when it’s put into the right mix of ingredients, it grows and grows in your life until you are abound with it too. Haven’t you ever experienced that transfer when someone else is having a great day? Their attitude rubs off on the environment.

That rule goes two ways, however. Someone who is down and out, depressed, has bad intentions or is negative often is a downer in the environment. When tough things happen in life, often its because the thief in the night comes to steal, kill and destroy (John 10:10). If you are actively seeking joy in your life, there is  probably someone or something actively seeking to steal it from you. Don’t be afraid though, because nothing and no one can take your joy away unless you give them permission in some way or form.

This is my new motto: “Nothing can take my joy away, nothing!”, because when I’m doing what I have been assigned to do and loving God with all my heart, I am blessed immeasurably and trust that He will always provide and take care of me.

Trust is…

Trust - Love Inspired Life

(Source)

Trust is…

  • Choosing to let God reveal the plans He has for you instead of planning your life to a T.
  • When the thing you think you want is dangling in front of you, but you don’t grab it, because you aren’t meant for it.
  • Leaning on God in the bad times and in the good times
  • Putting your thoughts and beliefs into action by walking them out through His strength
  • Jumping into what you’re called to, even if you can’t see a step in front of you.
  • Holding fast to the promises He has for you
  • Seeking Him first in every situation
  • Loving on an intimate level, where there is nothing between you and God
  • Letting go of that stronghold you’ve been grasping that seems so safe…
  • Knowing what the Lord does on behalf of you every day and knowing that through Him, all things are possible.
  • Loving Him more than anything else

These are a few thoughts I have on trust today. I’m sure I’ll be back later to add to them, in the mean time, if you can think of any other examples of what trust looks like and feels like, or what it is, please feel free to comment below.

It’s the little things

I couldn’t resist posting today. It was an absolutely beautiful day! The sun was shining, the air was crisp but not too cold, and it looked like a very promising start to the week. Do you ever feel like that? Sometimes you just know that this week/month/year is going to be good. I love that feeling.

Sometimes I can’t help but step back from all the bustling around me and lift my head towards the sun and bask in the glow of God’s goodness. When the warm sun beats down on my face, I feel like its His love, covering me from head to toe.

I try to find the best of life, even in trying times. Often I’m thankful for the big blessings in life that have been bestowed upon me, but lately I’m actively looking for even the smallest thing to be thankful for. It’s invigorating! If we all looked on the micro level of the good things and the blessings in our lives, I think we’d all become more centered, adjusted and appreciative human beings. Sure, I could be down and out about being laid off or not knowing a lot of people in this place, but instead I’m choosing to look at this week and this time as a blessing. I’m enjoying the time I have to just sit back and observe, listen, grow and be thankful.